


watch it burn and rust

by freedomatsea



Series: Hell's Kitchen Universe Pieces [10]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8491144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomatsea/pseuds/freedomatsea
Summary: Hozier in the Kastle Day Six: In which the tags say it all.





	

_ I start digging up the yard for what's left of me and our little vignette  _

_ For whatever poor soul is coming next _

* * *

Frank had needed air. He’d kissed her on the forehead and stepped out onto her fire escape. He needed to hear the city, vibrant and alive below, sirens blaring and people laughing. He needed the rush of New York City to fill the silence in his head. In an instant everything had changed. 

For the third time in his life. 

Karen was… He couldn’t even think the word. It was too much for him to deal with. The worst part of it all was that she wasn’t  _ sure _ what she was going to do. Neither of them were in any shape to… they were too broken to ever be fit for the job. His heart was clenching in his chest at the thought of losing something he’d never even known. 

Together they were going to have to make a decision. Because they were in this together, one way or the other. They had been so fucking careful too. He didn’t understand  _ why _ this was happening to them. They had enough shit to deal with - they didn’t need  _ this _ . 

“Are you going to come back in?” Karen questioned, stepping out onto the fire escape with him. 

Frank glanced back over his shoulder at her. “I was just about to. We need to talk. About  _ this _ .” He could already imagine what she’d look like too. He hadn’t thought there was any part of him that still craved  _ that _ . But he did. His heart yearned for bedtime stories, little arms wrapped around his neck, and whispered  _ daddy I love yous _ . 

Karen nodded her head slowly, reaching out to take his hands in hers. “I know. We really do. But I want you to take your time thinking all of this through.” She stared down at their hands. 

“Do you know what you want?” Frank questioned hesitantly. He knew what he wanted, but  _ hell _ if he thought it was the right decision for her. For both of them. If she kept the baby it would just be another life he was at risk of losing. 

“I think so.” Karen blinked her eyes, chewing on her bottom lip. “I want to keep it.” She blew out a shaky breath, releasing one of his hands to touch her still-flat stomach. But he was picturing it swollen with  _ their _ child, something good and pure that they were able to make. “And I understand if you don’t…”

Frank covered her hand with his own, “I want to, Karen. But you gotta be prepared for the day that I don’t come back.” Because that day would come. He could keep going and going and going, but one day someone was gonna put another bullet in his brain and he wouldn’t come back from that one. He wasn’t a young man anymore, eventually he’d start to slow down and someone would see that weakness and strike.

He’d have to leave behind Karen and the good thing they created. 

Karen nodded her head slowly, blinking back unshed tears. “I know. That was the first thing I thought of when I saw the results.”

Those words tugged at his heartstrings. How fucked up was that? The first thing she thought of when she found out that they were having a child was picturing him not coming back one day. Leaving her to pick up her own pieces. God, he’d really done wrong by her. Getting involved with her had been a shitty move. But he’d been worn out and tired and he needed someone and that someone could only be her. 

She deserved a better man than him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be even half the man she should have had in her life. 

“I’m sorry.” Frank mumbled, his eyes falling closed as he brushed his fingers over her stomach. He didn’t know who he was apologizing to - her or their unborn child. Or both. This was the outcome of trying to feel like a human again. All he’d wanted was to know the comfort of her arms. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about Frank.” Karen insisted, bringing both of her hands up to cup his cheeks. “We were as careful as we could have been…” She leaned in and kissed his lips chastely. “We’ll figure this out.” 

Frank wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to his chest. “I’m gonna do right by you Karen. I’m gonna do right.” He pressed his face into the curve of her neck, breathing her in. “I’m not gonna lose you too.” 

Her fingers were so gentle as she cradle the back of his head. “I’m not going anywhere Frank.” She promised. But the churning pit in his stomach told him that he would lose her.  Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week, but he would lose her. Because being with him put her in harm’s way. 

“Karen,” Frank said as he disengaged from the hug, taking her hands into his. “Do you have any family left back in Vermont?”

Karen paled and shook her head. “No. Why? Frank… You’re not going to try to send me away.” 

“I can’t risk losing you Karen. This city isn’t safe. Especially not now.” He gave a pointed look to her stomach. He still couldn’t fathom how any of this was  _ real _ . In an attempt to escape reality he’d unwittingly sentenced her to a reality that put her in more danger than she’d been in before. 

Karen wrenched her hands out of his hold and turned her back on him, leaving him on the fire escape as she headed back into her apartment. He lingered there, soaking in the city’s sounds before he followed her inside. “I’m not going anywhere Frank. This city is my  _ home _ . This city is going to be our child’s home. I’m not leaving.” 

“What are you going to do when Fisk gets out?” 

Karen shot him a deadly look. “Didn’t he help you get out of prison? Maybe you could talk it out with him.” 

“ _ Karen _ .” Was she really bringing that up right now? “If anyone finds out that  _ that _ child is mine you’ll have two targets painted on your back.”

“No one is going to know.” Karen said dryly. “Do you think I’m going to announce it to the world? Write an article and tell the city that Karen Page is having the Punisher’s kid?” She laughed bitterly. “You know what? I’ll call Matt. Maybe he’d be interested in pretending to be the baby’s father since you’re so worried someone is going to figure it out.” 

Frank stiffened. “Don’t do that.” He said in a hushed voice. “Please don’t do that.” He pinched at the bridge of his nose before scrubbing a hand over his face in frustration. “This is a fucking mess Karen. Don’t make it worse.” 

“You’re telling me.” Her hands went to her hips as she met his gaze. “Don’t try to shut me out of your life because of this. It changes nothing. We can still be together. We can still do all the same things. I’m having a child, not  _ dying _ .” 

Frank blew out a long-held breath, shaking his head. “I’m not trying to shut you out.” He took a step towards the sofa and sank down onto it stiffly. “I’m just trying to do right by you. I want you and  _ our _ child safe. I’m not a good man.”

Karen pushed her fingers through her hair, an exasperated laugh leaving her. “I knew all of this when we got involved with each other. None of this is coming as a surprise to me. Remember? I’ve read your case file. I’ve seen your victims. I’ve been by your side.” She sat down beside him on the sofa. “And I still want you right here. More than ever now. I won’t let you make me do this alone.”

Frank gave her an offended look, which he knew was unwarranted. He had implied that he’d make her do it alone out of fear. But he wasn’t a coward. “I’m not gonna make you do this alone.”

“Well you sure sounded like you were…” She stared at him, her lips drawn into a thin line. 

“Because I’m  _ terrified _ , Karen.” He turned so he could face her on the sofa. “How many times have I told you that I didn’t think I was worthy of having you? How many nights have you talked me off that ledge of guilt because I felt like I was betraying their memory? That moving on meant relinquishing that vengence. This…” He shook his head, bowing his head. “Something in here,” He tapped at his forehead. “Is screaming that I’m replacing them. I know I”m not. I know this… this doesn’t alter the past. But the past is leaching on the joy of this right now.”

“ _ Frank _ .” Karen shifted closer to him. “You’re not replacing anyone. Your past happened and you lost everything. But losing them doesn’t mean that you can’t have a future too. And I get it. I  _ really _ do.”  She touched his face, brushing her fingers along the curve of his scruffy jaw. “I know it’s easier said than done, but… you have to let go.”

Frank frowned. “I know Karen.” He blinked, feeling tears that wouldn’t fall burning at his eyes. He’d done this to himself. He’d spent too many nights wondering what it would be like to see  _ his _ child grow up. That little face in those exhaustion born dreams had never been Lisa’s or Frank Jr.’s. The face had had Karen’s nose and her kind eyes and his lips and dark hair. His heart had wanted what he shouldn’t have desired and God had a sick sense of humor. 

“I’m not gonna leave you.” Frank whispered, reaching to take her hand into his. “But you gotta give me time. I gotta get my head wrapped around this.”

“You have about seven and a half months, give or take.” Karen chewed on her bottom lip. “But then you have to have it figured out. Because if you try to leave me, you know I’ll find you.” 

Frank cracked a small smile at that. “That’s why I lo-” He swallowed thickly, ready to go ahead and commit to those words in this moment. A phrase he hadn’t said in so few words. Three words. “That’s why I love you Karen. You don’t let me get away.” 

Karen squeezed his hand. “I love you too.” She lifted her other hand up to play through his hair, leaning in and pressing her forehead against his cheek. He could never let her down. She was the only person left that grounded him. That could save him from himself.


End file.
